NOT ALL PAGANS ARE NEOWICCAN
Half a second of glancing around will reveal a multitude of history-based polytheists in all the colors of the cultural rainbow. Not to mention people who worship fairies, tree spirits, subway trains, towns, Lucifer, Jesus, angels, demons, everything, nothing, themselves, fictional characters, and half the cast of Doctor fucking Who.
Every time you forget about us or pretend we don’t exist or try to get us to act like Neowiccans, we gather up behind your Neowiccan backs and make fun of you for being such a fucking asshole. No, really, we do. Fuck you guys. All the rest of us pagan religions are on pretty good terms with each other. It’s the Neowiccans nobody fucking likes. Because you act like fucking assholes.
STOP DOING THIS SHIT ALREADY:
- claiming that all pagans are nature-oriented. Some of us don’t have jack shit to do with nature. Fuck nature. Never liked that dude. Nature’s kind of an asshole.
- claiming that pagans don’t believe in Satan or Jesus or whatever. I can literally right now list off maybe thirty to forty pagans on Tumblr alone who prove that statement wrong.
- Suggesting the pentacle is a Pagan symbol. It is not. Keep that shit to yourself. We have our own symbols, thank you very fucking much. We don’t need yours.
- Suggesting that (insert practice here) is evil and wrong. This goes for Satanism and cursing and whatever else you think you have any right to say is morally repugnant. You know what’s morally repugnant? You appropriating from closed cultures and generally being a racist. So don’t fucking play the “you’re evil” game with us because we will fucking win it.
- Claiming that all pagans worship a mother goddess, or a mother goddess/father god pairing. Fuck that. Not all of our relationships with deities can be summarized to “parental figure” (godspouses, anyone?) and not all of us are so incredibly boring as to worship one goddess and one god just because you say so.
- Claiming that women need to worship goddesses or that men need to worship gods. A great big fuuuuck you about that from over here in the “chicks that worship dudes” tent.
- Claiming you need patron deities. Some pagans don’t have deities at all. Also, way to totally not understand the word patron. The Hellenics are laughing at you (metaphorically speaking, although I’m sure some probably are).
- Using the word “matron” as the female equivalent of “patron”. This isn’t actually related to this list. But fuck that shit anyway. The word you’re looking for is PATRON. It’s gender-neutral. If you really need to slap a gender on it, it’s PATRONESS. MATRON MEANS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
- Claiming that witches = wiccans. Witchcraft is a secular practice that can be tacked onto any religion (including Christianity) or none at all. You don’t have a fucking monopoly.
- Applying the triple goddess bullshit to anyone but wiccans.
- Applying the Rede to anyone but wiccans. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING REDE SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. IT DOESN’T FUCKING APPLY TO US.
- Applying that “whatever you do returns threefold” bullshit to anyone but Wiccans. We don’t give a shit. Fuck off. Not our religion.
THERE ARE NON-WICCAN PAGANS. Wiccan rules do not fucking apply to us any more than Christian rules apply to you.
When you ignore the fact that non-wiccan pagans exist, you are doing the EXACT THING you bitch about when you complain that Christians forget pagans exist. Fuck you and your fucking pentacle.